What My Mom Taught Me About Happiness (Nine Years Later)

Yesterday marked nine years since my mom left this world.

I can hardly believe it’s been that long.

Every year when this day comes around, I find myself thinking about her voice and the things she used to say.

My mom had a way of dropping these little one-liners about life—usually out of nowhere—that somehow stuck with you forever.

We could be driving somewhere, sitting at the kitchen table, or talking through a problem, and she’d suddenly say something like:

“If you marry for money, you’ll earn every cent.”

Or one of my favorites:

“I don’t want a Hallmark moment. I want to celebrate a Tuesday in March.”

She would also remind me:

“Follow your dreams now because someday may never come.”

And one line she said often that has stayed with me for years:

“Integrity is what you do when no one is watching.”

At the time, some of these felt like funny observations or strong opinions.

But now, years later—especially now that I’m a mother myself—I see them differently.

They were lessons about how to live a meaningful life.

And ultimately, how to find happiness.

Because what she understood, long before I did, was something simple:

Life is happening now.

Not someday.
Not when everything is perfect.
Not when all your problems disappear.

Now.

The Woman Behind the Wisdom

She was incredibly emotional, passionate, and deeply engaged with life. She could be stubborn, intense, and strong-willed—qualities my husband would probably say I inherited.

But one thing I always admired about her was her honesty.

She was incredibly open about where she was emotionally and what she was feeling. There was very little pretending with her.

She was also incredibly resilient.

No matter what happened, she never gave up on people. She believed things could always be worked through, resolved, or improved, and she kept seeking understanding even when situations were difficult.

I’m grateful that I got to watch her live that out.

And she also had a beautiful ability to enjoy the simple moments in life.

Her favorite weather was snow. She loved watching it fall.

You should have seen the look on her face when she was eating bread fresh out of the oven with butter melting into it.

And she loved being somewhere high with a beautiful view—standing at the top of a building or overlooking a city or landscape. I think those moments gave her perspective and a sense of awe for how beautiful the world really is.

Looking back now, I realize she was teaching me something even then.

How to pause.
How to notice.
How to appreciate the moment you’re in.

The Truth About Happiness Most People Miss

Tony Robbins once said something that has always stuck with me:

“The biggest problem people have is thinking they shouldn’t have any problems.”

Life is built on duality.

Day and night.
Summer and winter.
Joy and grief.
Growth and loss.

A meaningful life will include challenges.

But happiness is not the absence of problems.

It’s the ability to live fully in the presence of them.

My mom had a simple philosophy about this:

If there’s a problem, fix it.
If you can’t fix it, change it.
If you can’t change it, make peace with it.

There is enormous freedom in that mindset.

Happiness Is a Choice

After working with hundreds of college students and clients through coaching and personal development work, I’ve noticed something important.

Many people think happiness is something that happens to them.

But what I’ve discovered is that happiness is something we choose.

Not because life is always easy.

But because choice is our most powerful asset.

We can’t control everything that happens in life.

But we can control where we place our attention, how we respond to challenges, and what meaning we give our experiences.

Over time, those choices shape the emotional quality of our lives.

Designing a Life That Creates Happiness

Research consistently shows that long-term happiness doesn’t come from comfort or pleasure alone.

It comes from meaning.

From designing a life that aligns with what you truly value.

But many people never stop to ask themselves what happiness actually means to them.

Some are still untangling expectations they inherited from others.

Some are living with the outcomes of past decisions.

And some are simply moving through life on autopilot.

The good news is that happiness isn’t something you have to wait for.

It’s something you can begin practicing right now.

Even in the middle of a life that isn’t perfect.

A Small Reflection

Today I’m thinking about my mom and the simple wisdom she carried.

Celebrate a Tuesday in March.

Follow your dreams now.

Don’t wait for perfect.

And remember that happiness isn’t something we stumble upon someday.

It’s something we choose, practice, and create—today.

Before you go, I’d love to ask you something:

What is one saying or lesson someone you loved taught you about life?

Sometimes the simplest wisdom stays with us the longest...